Health and Fitness Magazine Obsession

Health and Fitness Magazine Obsession

Lots of magazines on shelves

I was waiting in line at the grocery store the other day and saw a magazine stand that is typical of checkout lines to have. The magazines are always there but for whatever reason I paid attention to them more this time. Memories suddenly came flying back in my head after reading their titles.

My love of magazines started early

I remember back when I was around eight years old, I came across my dad’s magazines that were about running (he ran marathons). This was not really an interest of mine but I decided to start reading them anyways. I eventually found myself pouring through all of them (a huge box full).

It was amazing to me that people could come up with all of the articles I read. I even dreamed about starting my own magazine company when I was older. That clearly did not and was not going to happen but that is okay. A lot of dreams that kids have for their futures do not always come true.

I ended up reading each magazine probably around 20 times. That sounds absolutely crazy looking back on it. I even remember one story word-for-word because it was so haunting. It involved a runner going missing and it still has not been solved to this day (see this case here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Amy_Wroe_Bechtel).

Once my dad got rid of these magazines the obsession went away for a few years.

Cue the start of my interest in Fitness

Once I started getting into regular exercise at my home and gym, I wanted to learn as much as I could about it. I took notice of the health/fitness magazines that were at stores and began to buy them.  The ones I bought were Women’s Health, Health, Shape and Oxygen. 

 At the beginning, being on the cardio machines (elliptical and stair master) was all mainly what I wanted to do in terms of exercise. I would place a magazine on the dashboard and get to work. I did not understand until a little later on that that is not the way to get a good workout in.

I let the magazines keep piling up as I went through my eating disorder phase. The fact that I read them during my college classes (when I should have been listening to the professors) was a sign that things were getting WAY out of hand. 

I do not need them anymore

As I moved out of my eating disorder phase, I also moved out of my health/fitness magazine collecting phase. I realized that they were not crucial in my journey to healthiness. 

The day that I recycled all of them was a step in the right direction for me. I am not knocking anyone that likes to read them but they were unnecessary for me.

I also think that my obsession with the magazines had to do with me being on the autism spectrum. Who knows though!

 

 

My Eating Disorder

My Eating Disorder

Back in 2008-2009, I suffered with an eating disorder. I did not lose my period so it was considered an ED-NOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). It all started when I began working at a job where there were a lot of white females my age. They were always obsessed with how they looked. There was one of them in particular that was very skinny and the other girls complimented her all the time. I wanted to be like that and get compliments. I knew I could never be white but I could definitely change my weight.

So I decided to starve myself basically. I would get up really early in the morning and eat two bananas. Then I would go to the gym and use the stair master for 45 minutes, run for 30 minutes and then do a weight lifting circuit. After coming home, I would get ready for work feeling really hungry and tired. I brushed my hunger aside and tried not to think about it all day. Lunch never happened. I would always skip it. Dinner would be something small like half a can of soup or something like that.

This is not healthy or sustainable but I did not care at the time. I wanted to get thin! That is all I cared about. Even when I started looking scary (I am not putting numbers in this post), I still saw myself as not thin enough. This is how much of a b**** anorexia is. When it takes hold of your mind, it does not want to let go. It is your new horrible friend. It is so hard to get rid of. Some people eventually have to go in for treatment due to how severe it is for them. I am one of the lucky ones that escaped its all consuming and sometimes deadly grasp.

While I still have lingering disordered thoughts at times, I am very healthy. I know that I have posted about wanting to lose some fat but I want to do it in a healthy way and I am definitely not interested in taking it to an extreme level. It is not my goal to be super thin anymore but I do want to make some changes to my body as well as get my PCOS symptoms under control if possible.